I have a dream to write and publish a book with my fathers favorite stories. Despues, after that book, keep on going with more books. Pero first I need to get this first one out, because it’s the one that I yearn to share with my sister Marina.
It all started with a simple idea to clean up all my notes that I took about my apa’s stories. Y pues I did that, I created short stories from the notes and facts I had about my apa’s life. It felt nice to do that, I loved seeing my dads experiences on record, even if it was a private one. Luego I had the idea that my sis might like to see a hard copy of the stories. A book idea was screaming to come out. Y luego, I got more detailed in my project. I created folders, different categories of the stories according to the stages of his life. I got excited about my private little project, it was almost done, I might be ready to print his stories. One day, when I was sitting in my apa’s kitchen, “keeping him company” he didn’t know I was there to watch over him and care for his needs. He said “Que tanto le picas a la maquina?” He wanted to know what I was doing over my computer, clicking away. Well, I told him about my story project. He was kind of flattered, liking the idea of his stories on print. In my head, I thought maybe I would print out all my pages and buy a folder to put them in. Hmmm I wondered what it would cost to print a small, very little book for me and Marina? It sounded so doable. Then I told a trusted friend, she asked if it was a book I was trying to create?! I shyly said, “Yes, probably, I wasn’t sure. Maybe a very little book” She bought me a book about “How To Write A Book” Hijole! I wondered if other people would want to read my little book? Then I mentioned it to my pastor, ya sabes, so he could pray with me about this, was it possible? He said he would pray, then he gave me some news articles and info about successful authors. Que?! An author? Yo? Then I told Marina. She didn’t skip a beat when she said, “good I know you can do it, you’re smart enough” De veras? I just kept opening my mouth and telling others about my dream. When I told my prima about my dream, she was excited, she loved the idea and told other primos. The news was spreading that Rosalba was going to write a book about the Zepedas. Really?! How exciting. Pero, de repente things unraveled. I wasn’t trying to keep a secret, I was trying to feed a dream and boost my courage. Instead I was getting more and more intimidated by the idea of writing and publishing a book. My little project, that was so fun, became a “closet full” of undone things on my computer. I have been plagued with writers block, and fear of failure. The work, time and upcoming investment has all but drowned my dream.
This week it washed up on shore and I’ve been crying about it. Porque? Well because it is still there, barely breathing but still alive. I went to my neat folders and opened up the stories. Hijole! I cried some more, they need a lot of work. Luego! I looked at my messy notes and discovered that when things got really busy with my father I stopped writing his stories. I have a pile of small notepad papers with our conversations which never got transferred into a story then filed into the appropriate folders. Eventually, I was too tired to write notes, besides, it was taking all his wits and my patience just to help him eat a meal, no time for memories. To top all this off, somewhere along the way my book idea evolved. His stories were being told through his tercera edad experience, which for him, included dementia, and caregivers.
En Conclusíon:
I wrote all that to encourage myself. I want to share his stories, our stories, de veras. I cannot continue to allow fear to stop me. I’m picking up my dream and breathing new life into it to write my book. My sister will be so pleased, mi hija will also be glad and me! I’ll be glad I did it.The work, the time, the overall investment will be worth it. Espero que Dios me bendiga as I keep going. I can hear my apa just now saying “pos echale ganas Rosalba!”
Mexican-American Girl 