Con tanto alboroto about the “weddings” I keep thinking about me and my early days with my flaco. Asi es, weddings, we did it again, my familia is all about showing and telling. We were crazy enough to mas o menos duplicate Ben & Mo’s wedding and share that special day here in San Diego with our loved ones. The week was crazy busy and the reception was beautiful and sweet. I said to someone “I thought wedding bloopers only happened on the wedding day?” Pero, like I said we mimicked the full experience. And now that’s it, we really are done. The newest Mr. and Mrs. Greene have faced the stark naked reality of life and are on the highway of marriage bliss.
Meanwhile, I’ve been left to my musings, remembering our own first year of marriage.
Young and in love that’s what we were. I knew that together we would impact the world, and we have…I’m sure of it, somewhere out there. Before I knew it, baby fever hit me. I was delirious with thoughts that maybe I would never have a baby. I wanted to have a baby imediatamente! My new husband was on board, ready to minister to me, pues si, como no? The plan had been to wait a couple of years and adjust to married life. I let my emotions get the best of me and pretty soon waiting felt like an eternity. Y sabes que? I didn’t even know if I liked kids, hijole! I really hadn’t thought about being a mother. The emotions were spilling over making a mess of everything, la verdad es que the birth control pills were causing chaos. I wanted to have Ben’s baby, now! Maybe there was something wrong? Maybe I would never ever experience pregnancy. What was taking so long? I mean, we had already been married for six months. I should go to the doctor, to find out what was wrong with me, other than birth control.
All In The First Year
Then, suddenly there was a brief moment in our eight months of married life that having a baby didn’t consume my heart. My ama was very ill and I was scared. I thought about not having my mother, did new wives face life without their ama? The doctor gave dad the dreaded news and gave him the ultimatum “Do you want to take her off life support?” Our family exploded and divided. It was a terrible decision my apa faced and we held our breath between arguments. But in the end, my dad didn’t have to make the decision, my ama helped him out and quietly took care of things, como siempre. I worried that maybe I wouldn’t see her again when I said goodbye at the graveside, but God reminded me of her heart and his care of her. I missed my ama, and Ben was there with me, holding me. After we buried her and I went home I tried to get on with my life, trying to mourn “correctly,” I couldn’t. I was feeling queasy and very tired, sleep is all I wanted.
I went to the doctor and just like that, a new chapter in our lives began.
Embarazada?! a baby in my womb, incredible! pero, I didn’t feel anything, shouldn’t I be “feeling pregnant”? Y ahora qué? I wouldn’t see a doctor again for weeks! How would I take care of the baby? Should I be resting? I rushed home to wait for Ben to come home from work and tell him the news. It was the longest day of my life, before cell phones, before email for us or a computer at home.
I was giddy with excitement, I wanted to share my news with my ama, y mis hermanas. I had to do it in order, Ben first. All the anxious waiting made me worry for the baby, maybe my accelerated heart rate wasn’t good for my baby? I stood in front of the mirror and looked for visible change in my body. No, that pansa wasn’t my baby, it was just that, my belly. I wondered how in the world there could be a baby in there? Amazing! another human being slowly or quickly, forty weeks, taking shape inside of my belly!
Daily I stood in front of the mirror to admire my growing baby and pretty quickly I was rewarded with a baby belly, one of the ladies in church said it was just my belly. Talk about “bursting your bubble!” But I didn’t want to believe her, my bump was beautiful! I still didn’t feel or look different but I loved that growing bump. I was one of those lucky pregnant women who didn’t experience all the horrors of the first trimester, the few things I experienced were so minimal that I wondered if I was really pregnant, maybe I was just getting fat? When I returned to the doctor I was embarrassed that I was there for a prenatal check up and I was probably not even pregnant! The doctor asked me several questions, then he said “ok, let’s listen to the heart beat” I laid back on the examining table and turned my face to the wall while he applied the cold jelly all over my abdomen, que verguenza, for sure now the truth was gonna come out; no baby in there! I was holding my breath waiting for his decree. He allowed the wand to sit in one place as we heard the sound, over and over, swooshing air. Was it me? I turned to look at the doctor with a questioning look. “That’s the baby’s heartbeat.” My baby’s heart was strong and busy. I was in love all over again. I left that office, leaning back a little as I walked, well I was pregnant after all. At home I stood in front of the mirror, my normal side view gaze, the belly bump seemed a little bigger, I needed maternity clothes. What was that cream that had been recommended for stretch marks? What would he look like? Would he look like his father? Would he look like a gringo? Or a Mexican? What should we call him? Claro que I just knew my first baby was a boy and I was barely even pregnant! But I was.
Back to the future, Ben and Mo don’t need a nagging mother whining for her portion. I’ll have to suppress the urgent “grandbaby fever” spikes for as long as possible. The first year of marriage has so many changes packed into it, my reward will come just in time.