It was a busy Christmas season and as always things in my life came to a screeching halt and I hit the wall on Monday. I was dazed as to what I should do now. Por supuesto, things hadn’t changed, my housework, laundry, errands and deskwork were waiting for attention, but I didn’t feel the pressure that busyness with deadlines brings. Luego, as I was slowly getting back into some kind of rhythm I began to feel the cobwebs of neglect in my most vital connection; mi esposo. With Christmas over those warm fuzzy feelings were gone, our house was way too quiet. and well I realized I missed my flaco and I tried to hint at it. Luego, I just spelled it out, and still we struggled to connect. Imaginate! After a sweet Christmas day, in the last few days of 2022 I was feeling stranded. Pues, in my dramatic latina fashion I let him see my hurt, el dolor de mi corazon was all over my face, tears and all. Pero what did he show me? Confusion! What was going on? He wanted to know. Hijole! To quote Cornelia Bryant from the book series Anne of Green Gables “Isn’t that just like a man?”
“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.”—Benjamin Franklin
And just like a woman I need to hash things out in my head. As I was doing that this week, I came across a conversation (I had written it down) I had with my sis one day, not too long ago. It turned out to be just what I needed. I didn’t want my year to end on a sour note. My big sis came to the rescue again.
Un dia, as Marina and I were chatting on the phone, comparing notes on how God speaks to us and shows us the concern he has for the littlest of details in our lives, we turned to talking about the most vulnerable and sometimes very difficult relationship we are experiencing, our marriage relationship. That relationship that God created for a man and a woman,God said that it was not good for man to be alone. Even though Adam was busy and preoccupied, God knew he needed Eve; his help meet. Por supuesto que my latina, novela driven mind always imagines what that first meeting must have been like for the man and his wife. Eve, innocent, batting her lashes and Adam exploding in wonder at the gift before him. No longer alone, a journey for two, oh what responsibility lay before him. Anyway, back to my story.
As women we yearn to express so freely our love for our husbands, to tell them, to show them, but circumstances, upbringing or baggage inhibit us. There we were on the phone talking about our need for our husbands love and how hard it is for us to get the message across to them when they are so preoccupied. Marina said, “Don’t you remember the way my mom always kissed dad on the forehead?” I was shocked, “Que?! I don’t remember that? Of course I was gone a lot, sports dominated my teenage years so I never saw my ama kiss my apa, never!” Marina was surprised, maybe a bit sad for me because she saw it often.
For Marina, after all these years, that sweet kiss has been a great tool that our ama used generously. Y ahora, she too pulls out that magic kiss and it pulls her through whatever wave wants to knock her down. When things are turbulent and difficult, the walls of isolation want to stubbornly climb higher and higher. That’s when she’ll do like our ama did and look at her busy husband, without even interrupting him, she goes over to him and kisses him on the forehead. Ese besito covers a multitude of hurts, it helps her. And although, “just like a man”, my brother in law probably doesn’t realize it, I believe it helps him too.
I was humbled again at my mothers strength. I appreciated her perseverance in the most difficult relationship she chose to maintain. I told Marina that I too was going to use that kiss to break down a wall. I left that conversation so incredibly blessed with the kiss my ama gave me.
Feliz año nuevo, y que Dios los bendiga with much prosperity and may you feel his strong love, like a soft kiss everyday.